Saturday, 4 April 2020

Corona's Virus Adventurers Guild Briefing - Pitchforks and Pillocks

Corona’s Virus Adventurers Guild Briefing

Morning Everyone

We had a few warrants in this morning, but rather than put them up on the board and let everyone go looking for them, I’m going to tear them up and send them back short form and I’ll tell you why.

Warrant one was for the apprehension and beating of one Beaufort Williamson, for, and I quote, the crime of singing at the top of his voice every morning for forty minutes.

Warrant two was an open bounty for the pursuit and beating of anyone found walking more than once in the green hills just to the north.  Emphasis on pursuit and beating.

We’re going to get more of these before this is done, some people handle isolation just fine, some, well, you don’t need to be in a cell to be in a jail.  Warrants like these are what happens when people look out of their window and they’re not able to ignore what they used to be able to do.  Things that they found a minor annoyance very quickly become things that they’d happily murder for, and when I say happily murder, I mean happily murder someone else. 

I’m sure this isn’t the only place these warrants are going to be placed, and I’m not going to stop any of you going after any of them you want, but just remember that sooner or later, some bored bugger is going to watch us all wandering around helping and decide that a battle royale would be a great way to spice up the day, and I’m not wanting to be around on the day that one lands.

Two more things, we had a report of indiscriminate damage to two mages towers, one of them had “Take your virus back” painted on the side afterwards. I don’t need to tell all of you that it’s nothing to do with our mages, but be on the lookout for our mages in the coming days, some idiot decided to blame all mages, and all those who lack the brains to question things for themselves got a few pitchforks and went painting.  We’re lucky they only targeted buildings and not the mages inside them.

Finally, we lost one of our own, “Fast” Edward Branchwalker, he was sneezing the last time people saw him and they found him dead this morning on the docks, so the words got around that it was the virus.  Let me be clear, Eddie was once a Paladin in the service of the Revelations and he had hayfever, the sword that did him in wasn’t wielded by the virus and no matter what the healers say, we ain’t reporting it that way either. Service is in two days, Eddie’s request was that everyone dress really badly and bring jokes that only adventurers would want to hear. 

That’s everything for today, be on the lookout for Pitchforks and Pillocks, just remember…

Let’s be careful out there…