Corona’s Virus Adventurers Guild Briefing - Messiah's and Morons

Morning Everyone

Busy weekend, good weather contributed to a whole bunch of idiots buggering off down the docks to sit on the beach, thanks to all of you who gave up the Easter Sunday to work crowd control, and of course, the announcement that our glorious leader has managed to fight off the virus and has risen again to lead us in our time of need…

Risen again… On Easter Sunday…

I don’t pay much attention to what politicians get up to most of the time, but when someone’s constructed a narrative that has him as the Risen Lord, I have to ask one thing…

What was he doing in the previous 40 days…? What had he give up for Lent?

Oh yeah, he’d given up caring about everyone but himself, good job there.

Still, we’ve had a report from the brewing house, there’s a lot of beer that about to be spoiled and we’re going to need volunteers to…

Sit down Lebowski, I’m not finished yet…

We’re needing volunteers to take the beer that’s nearly gone and get it over to the baking guilds, turns out that if you mix beer and flour, add a little sugar, you get bread, and we’re needing bread more than beer at the moment.

That’s not heresy Lebowski, that’s facts, there’s more than a thousand barrels down there, and that’s enough to make bread for most of the city and then some.  We’re running low on a number of supplies, so until the relief ships get here, we’re going to be prioritising keeping essential services running and repurposing buildings as they’re needed.

I’m glad to see that most of you didn’t take the caravan north to rejoin the army, can’t say that I’d have relished losing you all to that, and as we figured, the local criminals took the announcement to mean that they thought you’d all take the chance and get out of here.  City watch reports that it’s had some of their uniforms lost, nothing else taken, but it means that we’re going to be getting a lot of fake watchmen out there for a while.  We’re circulating advice on flyers delivered by the air elementals about not letting watchmen in the house, but there’s only so long that’s going to hold, so we’re going to be called in for more and more domestic matters as this goes on.

Never thought I’d say it, but I miss being in dank dungeons covered in entrails and fighting for my life, that was easy compared to this.  Zargolds president has reported that he’s got it all under control, but remember that the last time he recommended anything, it was household bleach because “It’ll clean all the Germs out…”  In the meantime, you all know the score, Messiah’s and Morons all around, Just remember.

Let’s be careful out there…

Corona's Virus Adventurers Guild Daily Briefing - Mogs and Moguls

Morning Everyone

We’ve had word from Rashenjot that they’re mobilising the army to keep the capital safe, all reserves are ordered to report there as soon as possible.  I know several of you were reserves once and may wish to go and help those who were your comrades, you owe this place nothing, so if any of you wish to go, take my blessing for safe travel and be out here tomorrow, there’s a caravan heading north to the capital with supplies enough for everyone to make it there well fed and rested.

News for this morning, we did the inventory on the city councils warehouses, seems that the only thieves we should have worried about were those that had the money to buy everything in advance.  More Iron rations than I’ve seen in many years, and enough clean water to wash the whole of the city.  I’ve sent a runner to the safe haven that the council are all using to report our failure in managing to protect their goods from the thieves guild, and promised that retribution and justice will be swift and merciless.

Which it will be…

To the crime of hoarding while pretending to be righteous - Guilty

To the crime of running away when you should have stood with your people – Guilty

Sentence to be redistribution of all hoarded items to the places where they should have been in the first place, the people.  By our reckoning, there’s enough here to feed every household in the vicinity for more than a week, volunteers for handing things out would be appreciated.

In other news, widespread reports of animals carrying the virus have come to us, we’ve had a word with the shapeshifters who in turn have reported back that there’s nothing going around the animals they’ve spoken to, beyond a complete bemusement at how most of the two legs are behaving.  Reports of a gang of cats on the west side terrorising their way into a butchers by climbing up on the window sill and then sneezing are to be discounted, the shapeshifters have spoken to the Feline Fellowship, who deny all such practises and condemn them as deplorable.  That the shapeshifters smelled a quantity of fresh beef in the back of the Fellowship halls is also to be discounted.  You catch any cat guilty of sneezing with intent, bag the furry fraudster and bring them in, we’ll see what strenuous disinfecting does to dampen their antics.

Things seem to be quietening down a little, hopefully we’ve done enough to make the difference and things might soon start getting back to normal, I know I prefer a bit of straight forwards crowd control to all this social engineering, and I’m sure all of you do too, just remember…

Let’s be careful out there…

Corona's Virus Adventurers Guild Briefing - Idiots and Ironworks.

Corona’s Virus Adventurers Guild Briefing

Morning Everyone

City watch has thrown us a number of reports of large groups of people breaking lockdown, they’ve requested our help in making sure people stay in and observe the rules.  I have to say that for once, I’m not inclined to help and here’s why.

In the beginning, there was doubt, everyone thought this was just the flu and that it’d roll over soon, gatherings continued and it’s likely that a whole lot of us caught the damn thing before the council made a decision to keep everybody locked down.  Can’t say as I blame them, Balion citizens are notoriously independent, or “Stubborn” as most other continents call us, so responding to calls to stay inside when it wasn’t seen as anything dangerous was never going to happen.

Now we know it’s lethal, and there’s still people going outside, knowing what’s out there. You’ve all seen the junior adventurers on their first run charging into fights with Minotaurs that are going to use their head for Doomball practice, they do it because they believe that they can handle whatever’s out there, and that’s why a whole bunch of them don’t make it through their apprenticeship.

Because there’s no training room for the real world, and when you find yourself out there, calling time out just means it knows it’s got you.

And that’s what we’re going to get here…

Can’t threaten them with jail, just turns the cells into a breeding ground for the virus, and there’s more of them than there are of us, so sitting outside their house with a meaningful stare isn’t going to help either.  It’s clear they only care about themselves, so we’re going to work with that…

After apprehending Oldarov yesterday, he’s offered to help us in return for not being put in jail with magecuffs, so tomorrow there’s going to be reports of Air Elementals wreaking havoc in public areas, and we’re going to ignore them.  The following day we’re going to put out an apology that we were too busy trying to police the lockdown to deal with the Air Elementals, and that if people stayed inside, we’d be doing a lot better at dealing with actual threats, rather than truculent tossers…

In other news, the Flame sisters forge just announced that they’re doing a special on custom weaponry and armour. With the virus going around, they haven’t been getting the usual repair trade that they rely on, so if you get chance, put something their way rather than ordering from Zomaza up in Desel.  We don’t support them now, they’re not going to be around when this all lifts, and I like having competent smiths on my doorstep rather than having to wait for a giant workshop to get around to delivering what I ordered three weeks ago.  That’s everything for the morning, Idiots and Ironworks, just remember…

Let’s be careful out there…

Corona's Virus Adventurers Guild Briefing, Plagues and Protection

Morning Everyone

Hell of a thing this morning, we had a report from the rangers over at the Tolran forest, there’s a band of plague cultists on their way over to us, be here in a couple of days. It’s not what you’re thinking, they’re coming here for sanctuary.

Yep, devotees of the plague god and they’re coming here to get away from the virus…

Now, don’t get me wrong, that’s what they said to the rangers, and they were convincing enough that the rangers didn’t fill them with arrows and leave them to the sky, so there’s probably something in it.  Trouble is that while they’re fleeing from one plague, they’ll be bringing more than one with them, so we’re going to take the high ground on this one and allocate them a space outside the city with a bunch of tents so that they’ve got somewhere to be. The Paladins have already offered to go out there and take them supplies, but if those cultists get near the city, they get a short sharp warning and if that doesn’t work, a short sharp end, take no chances, we at least have a clue what we’re doing with Corona’s

All well and good to exist outside of society while it suits you and then want to come back in when the world gets a little rough, and we take the vows of hospitality seriously, but we look after those who’ve worked to keep the city in one piece before we look to those who’ve been working to bring it down.

On that note, with the council out of town and their guards with them, we’re looking for volunteers to go around their various properties and make sure that they’re secure.  We’re not doing this out of civic duty, we’re doing this because we’re absolutely sure that the thieves guild is already sending their people out there to make sure that they’re not secure.  We need inventory on everything that’s in there, because we’re not thieves, and anything that goes missing, we’re going to go looking around certain thieves’ homes to make sure it didn’t end up going there.

Anyone remember when we went on quests and did heroic things for a living?

A word on that, because we’ve all been doing what needs to be done for a few weeks now, and I can see that it’s weighing heavily on some of you, so here’s the thing.  We started out as Fighters, as Mages, as Thieves, and now we’re here using talents that could find us far more money elsewhere and we’re doing it because it’s the right thing to do.  But we’re more than that now, people need us, you saw it when we confiscated all the Gelatinous Cube, you saw it when we made sure all the food got distributed fairly, and now they see us as the lifeline that no one else can offer them, and maybe we are, maybe we are.  It’s difficult to appreciate that what you’re doing is making a difference when you have to do it all the time, but we are making the difference, and without us, there’d be a whole lot more misery out there.  We get our thanks from the breath of the living every day, and I never thought I’d say it, but for me, that’s enough.  But you all know the score, just remember…

Let’s be careful out there…

Corona’s Virus Adventurers Guild Briefing - Scammers and Sailors

Morning Everyone

Lot of reports of Scams going around the province recently, people hearing nothing but bad news are more likely to want to believe good news, and that in turn plays into the hands of those who are willing to put good news out there, even if it isn’t true.

Case in point, we’ve had official paperwork from the Illenia Ascendant requesting permission to cast off and leave port towards Tyravig.  Any other ship and it wouldn’t have made the briefing, but that ship’s been laid up for more than six years, recently got bought by a private individual through a consortium of merchants, and now they’re offering passage to Tyravig where there’s no infection, bargain price of three thousand golden rails a head, more than any of us make in a year.

Now, you know, and I know, Tyravig’s just as infected as everywhere else, and even if it wasn’t, it would be if all the people who are going to get on that ship got there, but we don’t think that’s the consortiums aim.  We did a little checking on the crew roster, not one of them ever served in the Navy or the Merchant Marine, so the chance of that ship making it anywhere isn’t high, and the chance of it making it all the way to Tyravig?  The captain’s name is Tyrus Oldarov, Mage, used to be a swimmer in the Balion Olympics team till they caught him using Water Elementals for a speed boost and disqualified him for life.  Way we figure it, he uses the Elementals to get the ship out into reasonably deep waters, and then sinks everything and they take him to another country where he does the same again.  We’ve seen that he’s already overloaded with passengers and there’s a waiting list that he’s working down.

Problem here is that we can’t stop people leaving, the lockdown is on the city, and if anyone gets out of it, short of force, there’s nothing we can do or say to them that’s going to convince them that staying here is a better idea.

With this in mind, I need a show of hands to repaint a mages tower…

Yep, repaint a mages tower…  The only way we save all the people on that ship is to get it to sink in the harbour, and to do that, we need something that can repel the Elementals.  Rayelle Srenas is willing to do it, but on condition that someone cleans all the “Take your virus with you” slogans scribbled on her tower and mount a guard on it for the next month or so.  City watch will provide the guard if we do the cleaning, all those volunteering get a boon from the city reserves. 

In other news, the Alliance of Affordable Companions have applauded our efforts in the last two weeks, and are offering their services for free, to any member of the guild.  You all know the score with this, I don’t mind them applauding us, I just don’t want them clapping us, so just remember…

Let’s be careful out there…

Corona's Virus Adventurers Guild Briefing - Pitchforks and Pillocks

Corona’s Virus Adventurers Guild Briefing

Morning Everyone

We had a few warrants in this morning, but rather than put them up on the board and let everyone go looking for them, I’m going to tear them up and send them back short form and I’ll tell you why.

Warrant one was for the apprehension and beating of one Beaufort Williamson, for, and I quote, the crime of singing at the top of his voice every morning for forty minutes.

Warrant two was an open bounty for the pursuit and beating of anyone found walking more than once in the green hills just to the north.  Emphasis on pursuit and beating.

We’re going to get more of these before this is done, some people handle isolation just fine, some, well, you don’t need to be in a cell to be in a jail.  Warrants like these are what happens when people look out of their window and they’re not able to ignore what they used to be able to do.  Things that they found a minor annoyance very quickly become things that they’d happily murder for, and when I say happily murder, I mean happily murder someone else. 

I’m sure this isn’t the only place these warrants are going to be placed, and I’m not going to stop any of you going after any of them you want, but just remember that sooner or later, some bored bugger is going to watch us all wandering around helping and decide that a battle royale would be a great way to spice up the day, and I’m not wanting to be around on the day that one lands.

Two more things, we had a report of indiscriminate damage to two mages towers, one of them had “Take your virus back” painted on the side afterwards. I don’t need to tell all of you that it’s nothing to do with our mages, but be on the lookout for our mages in the coming days, some idiot decided to blame all mages, and all those who lack the brains to question things for themselves got a few pitchforks and went painting.  We’re lucky they only targeted buildings and not the mages inside them.

Finally, we lost one of our own, “Fast” Edward Branchwalker, he was sneezing the last time people saw him and they found him dead this morning on the docks, so the words got around that it was the virus.  Let me be clear, Eddie was once a Paladin in the service of the Revelations and he had hayfever, the sword that did him in wasn’t wielded by the virus and no matter what the healers say, we ain’t reporting it that way either. Service is in two days, Eddie’s request was that everyone dress really badly and bring jokes that only adventurers would want to hear. 

That’s everything for today, be on the lookout for Pitchforks and Pillocks, just remember…

Let’s be careful out there…

Corona's Virus Adventurers Guild Daily Briefing - Of politicians and politics...

Morning Everyone,

Whole lot of you been wondering what happened the last two days, and I have to tell you, first day was April fools, and I have to say, there’s enough fools out there for all of us, didn’t want anyone thinking this was one more. The second day, well, that’s why I’m here today.

I had to attend a city council meeting yesterday, and it took most of the day.  A lot of you are wondering why it takes so long to do these meetings, and here’s where I’m going to share a few things with you.  The city council is made up of people who may once have been just like you and me, but somewhere along the way, they got some power and they wanted to keep it. There’s a whole lot of interests going on in any council meeting, not all of which are lined up with what’s best for the people.

The people, that’d be you and me, not them…

After about eight hours of listening to people argue about why we couldn’t do anything because it got in the way of something that was important to them personally, my natural diplomacy failed, and I cleared my throat to try and get their attention.

You’ve never seen a room clear so fast…

A minute previous, they’d been arguing that they’d been on the front line looking out for all their people, one second after, the chamber was clear of everyone but me, Watch Commander Tarven, and Captain Ortren of the Queens guard.  Bright side up thought, it turns out that without politicians watching out for their own interests, you can get a lot done.  All overtime is hereby sanctioned, the mages guild have been paid off to provide all those magical anti virus helmets that were ordered by the council.

Don’t get your hopes up, they only ordered ten of them…

What good are ten masks I hear you say?  Well, the council numbers ten, so maybe they were valiantly testing them on our behalf… I’m not looking for comments, and I’m not giving any, we take what we can and we do what we can with it, masks will be here tomorrow.

In other news, word from Invicarn is that they may have found a test to show if you have the virus or not.  I’m going to hold fire on announcing that, as the last time I saw their test, it was sitting you in a room for a day and seeing if you coughed in that time.  One more thing, got a few questions on the council reports about what is or isn’t essential supplies, the questions came from the National Adventurers Association, so let me be clear in this.

Longswords are not essential items in these times, Magical trinkets are not essential in these times, and that shipment of dark fruit chocolate from the western continents is not, regrettably, an essential item.  Keep it simple everyone and just remember…

Let’s be careful out there…