And so for the first time since I looked at Kickstarter, I have written off the possibility of ever receiving something I backed...

This is not a move I consider lightly, for this person has money of mine, and while it is not much, it is still money they took for the delivery of a product that I now believe has no possibility of being delivered.  The project in question is Pencil Dice by Ken Whitman and D20 entertainment.  I've got a few kickstarters on the hook at the moment and many of them are late, but I have faith in the companies that are dealing with them to deliver the product they promised.

On this occasion, I do not have faith...

There are many of the opinion that those backing KW and his various projects should have checked deeper into the nature of the person they were backing, and certainly, following this, I will be doing, but in the case of many kickstarters that I back, I back them because...

A) I'm at a stage in career and life where I have disposable finance, never had it before and enjoying it while I have it.
B) I like helping people out, and if I can do that by forgoing the cost of my sandwich for dinner, I tend to forgo the sandwich and put the pledge down instead, after all, one less sandwich is probably going to be good for me in the long run :)

However, this is the first time that I've taken the decision to remove something from the "Awaited" list, and it brings in with it a number of quandaries.  I'm not grievously wounded by the loss of the $5 that I put down on this one, and cheerfully Expo as a company didn't back the project as we couldn't get a guarantee at the time that the pencils would be delivered in time for the Expo just gone, but I am concerned that having seen the evidence of what Ken Whitman seems to have been up to over the last number of years, that he'll just wait a while and then try to resurface as another entity to continue what appears to be the largest Ponzi scheme in the history of gaming.

It could be that this is all a big mistake and that any day now those pencils will turn up, but the overwhelming evidence appears to suggest otherwise, I'll be the first to make apologies and penance should I be proven wrong, but it's not seeming likely.

What to do...?

And so I wrote this as a signifier of intent, I haven't decided quite what I'm going to do yet, but I think something has to be done, and in that, I suspect I'm not alone.  It's one thing to do it once, make a number of grievous errors and not manage to complete the kickstarter, or to find out that project delivery is not the same as envisioning said project, but it's another thing entirely to start projects that you know you cannot/will not deliver to fund other projects that you are more interested in doing.

So...

Something will be done, things like this affect the entire of gaming and indeed the entire of kickstarter and the trust that we place in project creators, which has a knock on effect for all projects...

And that won't do...

Sometimes you meet fantastic people...

Many of you know the lady in question, keep her privacy for me, only those who she tells should know....

It was half a lifetime ago that I met someone who would change my life in ways I didn't think possible at the time. I was 21 then, and closer to a raging feral than the paragon of self control that you all know now (Ha...), but as I visited a games store for the first time, I saw a young lady at the counter wearing ripped jeans. In the manner of all young men, remarked on the jeans in question, realising soon after that I had in fact just drawn attention to the fact that I'd been staring at her ass...

And indeed felt like an ass myself...

However, of such inauspicious beginnings are formed lifelong friendships, and as it transpired, the young lady quite took a shine to me. In the manner of young shy people, it took several people making major hints towards us that we liked each other before we finally got together, and several more weeks before we ended up sat around a table talking about the future and our hopes.  At this point she suddenly turned quiet and leaned back in her chair, saying that she needed to tell me something about her past, hoping that it wouldn't change things between us that much.  I nodded and motioned for her to continue, and she waited another minute before leaning forwards and putting her hands open on the table.

"I wasn't born a woman..."

I leaned forwards and took her hands with a smile, saying "And...?", she looked at me for a second in wonder and I could see tears in her eyes as she realised that I saw people as they are, not as how the world see's them.  It turns out that in the world, there aren't very many like that, and I was the first one who hadn't reacted badly.  When I spoke to people the next day, it turns out that all of them knew, and they'd presumed that I might turn violent when I found out (really, I was closer to a raging feral at the time), but here's the thing.

They'd let me go anyway, knowing that....

And although it's more a reflection on them, being willing to do that and watch the fallout than trying to stop it somehow, but it taught me that the world is a dark and vicious place and that it's not enough to stand by, we have to do the right thing while we can.  I learned something that night, that you love people as they are, not as you would want them to be. The lady and I stayed together for a good few months before parting ways amicably and remaining friends thereafter, and the resolve in me to be a better man was made ever stronger by the strength she gave me.

Why am I saying this now?

Because two months ago, the lady finished her journey and now lives physically as the person she always was mentally, not a problem in the world, surgery went perfectly and she'd doing brilliantly.  I cannot easily articulate the depth of my emotion on this matter, for I have feared for her greatly in the times that I've known her, and we've both been on the dark side of the world for many of the years inbetween, but those times are done, and just as my brighter tomorrows came seven years ago when Jude said I do, so the happy future I hoped for the lady half a lifetime ago is finally here.

This is more a call to all those still on the journey, don't lose hope, don't lose faith.  It may take half a lifetime to walk that path, but there'll come a day when it all comes together, and until that day, take the support of those of us who care, we will never know what you're going through, but we love you.

Just for being you...

RPG article in Tabletop Gaming Magazine

When Tabletop Gaming magazine first hit the stands at Expo this year, one of the things I noticed was that it was primarily focussed on the board game end of things.  With this in mind, I approached them with a view to featuring more content regarding RPGs and roleplaying in general, after all, gaming doesn't just occur on boards.

They agreed...

So, starting this month, and continuing if there's interest in it, there'll be a column on the new releases in the roleplaying world and not just the ones from the major publishing houses.  I've been around long enough to know that the big houses tend to be all that most people have heard of, and when you run conventions the size of Expo and a whole bunch of people have never heard of systems like FATE, there's a lot more out there that people could be enjoying, so there'll be coverage of independent games like Blades in the Dark and Hunters of Alexandria as well as the big releases like Dust and Dr Who, and details on where to find Conventions (and not just the ones I run...) where everyone can go try out new games.

If there's interest, there's every possibility that more RPG content will follow, so we'll see...

The magazine will be available in a number of high street stores, or you can order it at http://www.collectors-club-of-great-britain.co.uk/Store/Tabletop-Gaming--Third-Issue/_prod3415

Do I worry people that much....?

Browsing through Google as you sometimes do, I come across someone I know and find that I'm restricted from following them....

What exactly do they think I'm going to do...?

Must mail them a copy of the Jaws soundtrack....

For all those private moments when they're sitting worrying about me...

Maybe get my hair done up in a fin for Dragonmeet so they can see me coming in the crowd....

And so I've been quiet for a while...

For which there's been a damn good reason, several reasons in fact, not least of which that shortly after the last post, I had Wyntercon to run, and coming up in two weeks, I've got Dragonmeet.  The upshot of both of those has been that the last month has been mostly consumed by sorting out all that needed to be done there.

That in turn has culminated in a lot of delays in other things that I wanted to do and a lot of people asking me for things that I'd normally help with and have had to flat refuse, which isn't like me, but I'm learning as time goes on that actually one man can only make a difference himself some of the time.

Not an easy lesson...

That said, two of the largest kickstarters I've backed have just landed, and there'll be reviews of them shortly, being Dungeon Saga and Shadows over Normandie, and I've managed to read a few more books and experiment with a few more pens since last I was here.

I'm also making a concerted effort to cut things out of my life that are toxic, and there'll be more on that shortly too...

So to paraphrase a better man than I, sorry I've been away so long, I won't let you down again...